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I’m not waiting for you. You took something from me that I’ll never get back, but the rest of my life belongs to me. I don’t forgive you, but I won’t let you be my problem either. You think you are superhuman. Has it ever occurred to you that you are, for all your great power and ability, missing the one thing that makes a person, a person? You probably think, after tasting your heavenly nectar, I would swear off all others. But maybe you were just the beginning. Maybe you woke an ancient desire in me that even my ancestors had forgotten, and now I’m doomed to wander the Earth in search of satiation. I really hope you’re proud of what you have done to my poor, mortal frame.
After putting on shorts and a t-shirt, I went down to the dining hall to see if anything was edible today. Before leaving, I decided to pocket Janell’s sock. Not sure why, just had a feeling. I didn’t touch Olive’s socks, which she had left crumpled in the corner of my room when she left last night. Knowing her, she would probably come to me unannounced to get them back. Or, more likely, to leave more clothes on my floor.
The dining hall was nearly empty. It wasn’t very big, about the size of a high school cafeteria, with square wooden tables dispersed throughout. On the side near the floor-to-ceiling windows was the soccer player’s table, consisting of 5 or 6 smaller tables connected, right beside the window. Every night after practice, they ate like they were in Valhalla, an eternal cycle of feasts, games, and battle. Today, it was empty, since most people were either hungover, or cramming for their final exams. Near the back, where they had put in a small booth last year, I saw Jesse, and headed towards her table once I had gotten some food. I sat down in one of the chairs across the table from the booth Jesse sat in.
“Hey.” She said, not looking up from the journal she was scribbling something down in. She was wearing the same black sleeveless band tee from yesterday, and bright yellow shorts I could barely see from under the table. She wore black athletic socks pulled to her calves and her signature old converse shoes.
“Hey.” I said, wondering if Kate had said anything to her about what she had seen last night.
She shut her journal, and looked up as she brought another forkful of food to her mouth. “So…” She said between bites “You and Kate.” We made eye contact, and her face mirrored the strange look I felt myself giving her. She sat back, looking perplexed. With a reaction like that, I guessed Kate hadn’t told her the details. But, even if Kate hadn’t said a word to her, she knew something was up. “What’s going on with you two?” She complained, crossing her arms.
I focused on my food for a minute, while inwardly my mind raced to find a way out from under her unrelenting, questioning gaze. I had never successfully hidden anything from her before, but there’s a first time for everything, right? “Dude, I’m not sure. She’s been acting strange ever since the party the other night. I was hoping you could tell me what’s been going on.” A heap of lies, mixed with a dash of truth. I waited, trying to seem nonchalant, to see if she would take the bait.
“You really don’t know?” She asked. “She came to my room last night. If I told you what state she was in, I would be betraying her trust. I won’t tell you what she said either. But I think you should probably talk to her.”
“What are you, her messenger?” I said pointedly, still sore about what Kate had said last night.
Jesse just looked a little disappointed. “Oh Goldmund…” She said, looking back to her plate. Suddenly she looked up, and made an effort to smile. “Look, we should be enjoying our last week in this shithole.” She put her shoes up on the chair next to me, the toes of her two little converse shoes just reaching the seat.
I stayed quiet, but relaxed a little, glad for the change of subject. Whatever Kate had said, she definitely didn’t tell Jesse about what she saw Janell doing to me. Otherwise, she would have been freaked out for sure. Taking the escape route she had offered, I asked “So, what are your plans for today?”
Jesse had finished eating, and was nibbling on a cookie she had gotten from the dessert stand across the room. “Well, there’s that concert tonight, but if I’m being honest I’ll probably just smoke and walk in the woods behind campus.”
“Shit, the dance concert! I’d love to see what they’ve been working on.” I said. To tell the truth, I couldn’t give less of a shit. But I knew Janell would be there, and I wanted to talk to her. Of course, I didn’t want to expose her in public any more than I wanted to be exposed. But I felt we might have some kind of understanding between us after what happened. Even if it was all orchestrated by Olive, it must have meant escort bursa something, right?
Jesse shrugged as we started picking up our dishes to leave. “Yeah, you might convince me to go.” She said with a touch of irony. “If you’re willing to go on a little adventure with me.” she said, looking around jokingly for eavesdroppers, despite there being no more than four or five students in the entire dining hall.
“Is that so?” I said, straightening my back to push out my chest, and grabbing the straps of my backpack, as if bracing myself for a long journey. “Lead the way, lady.”
“Who the fuck are you calling a lady?” Jesse cut her eyes at me, dead serious, as we put our plates at the window to the dishwasher. “If I’m going to be your guide into the unknown, from now on you will call me Colonel Jesse, and show some respect. I do not tolerate insubordination.”
As we walked out of the dining hall, I said, “Yes, Colonel.” standing at attention in the doorway that faced in the direction of Jesse’s dorm room. We made our way to her hall, and up the stairs to the sixth floor, where she had a small room with a small window squeezed into the top of the wall. She had a black cat named Ramses, that kept to himself in the corner with the scratching post. Jesse opened her closet, and pulled out a bubbler and a grinder. She took several buds of weed, ground them, and carefully packed the bowl. We smoked, Jesse laughing at how easily I was reduced to a fit of coughing, while Ramses paced the floor nervously.
Laying on Jesse’s bed with our backs to the wall, we stared ahead of us into the smoke-filled room. We talked about professors, pet theories we had about different students, and what we were going to do after graduation. Soon we were both pretty high. I saw Jesse turn her head to me out of the corner of my eye. “Hey.” She said, somewhat suggestively. A bit surprised and confused at her tone, not quite joking enough to be normal, I turned my head to meet her gaze.
“What?” I asked, wondering if my mouth was actually curling into a smile, or if it was just the weed making it feel that way.
“You know you can tell me anything right?” Jesse said, looking right into my eyes. The sharpness of our gaze, if we had been sober, would have kept us from looking into each other’s eyes for very long, but since we were so hazy, and the room itself was still a bit foggy, we could stare into each other’s eyes as long as we liked.
“I mean yeah, you’re my friend.” I said, forgetting what we were talking about as soon as I said it.
“Goldmund, I don’t mean like that… You don’t get it. Like you can tell me anything.” She said again.
“Uh… Okay.” I said, laughing a little, then feeling self-conscious because I hadn’t meant to laugh. It just came out. Spooked me a little.
“Like… you can tell me about your sex life, if you want to.” Jesse said, managing to sound completely innocent when she said it.
“Dude, you’re my best friend. If you want to know something, just ask.” I said, sensing she wanted to take this conversation in a certain direction, and giving her full control of it.
“Ok…” Jesse looked up at the ceiling to think. I loved how we could just sit on a bed together, totally comfortable with each other. Everything was always so casual with Jesse. She was the most free-spirited person I knew. “Ok… uhh, fuck. What’s your deepest, darkest fantasy?” she asked. She looked in my eyes again, her face totally neutral, open to whatever answer I might give her. Suddenly I noticed how close our faces were.
“Damn, well… Do you really want to know?” I asked, looking unconvinced.
“…Fuck YEAH!” Jesse said, putting her hand onto my arm. Ramses meowed from somewhere under the bed.
“Shit… where do I start?” I said, thinking. I always started thinking too much when I smoked, especially with sativa strains. “You know, there have been so many artists and geniuses with fetishes?” I said. As soon as it came out of my mouth, I felt my face getting red.
“Liiike…?” Jesse said, running her hand down my arm slowly. As if I were a puppet, her gesture made my cock grow hard, like a soldier on standby. The weed helped me see exactly what that gesture meant, and I realized I could truly tell her everything.
“James Joyce, for example. He liked farts. He was a genius for them. There’s that story people tell about some languages having a hundred words for snow? It’s bullshit, but that man truly did have at least a hundred words for farts. And Michael Foucault, he was into all kinds of shit. He said his work was motivated by him trying to find the truth about himself, trying to break through all the spooky stories he had heard all his life about homosexuality and mental disorders and sexual perversion. Jean Genet needs no introduction. And Zora Neale görükle escort Hurston, she starts a book with a masturbation scene under a tree. She saw sexuality as a communion with nature.” I paused, knowing how I could sometimes affect people when I got high. I would just go on and on, not even stopping for breath.
“And don’t even get me started with those dirty bastards, the early modern scientists and philosophers. When Newton died, he said his greatest achievement was remaining a virgin his whole life. Who says physics can’t be a fetish?” I stopped, feeling tired of my own voice.
“Hey, listen.” Jesse started. I saw something mischievous in her eyes. “Kate told me everything. Wait, let me finish! I don’t care about any of that shit. Actually I think it’s kinda hot.” She said, putting a hand on my thigh.
“Jesse, wait.” I said, though my boner had been straining through my shorts for the past couple of minutes.
“You know me Goldmund. No matter what happens in here, in the next hour, I will sit with you at breakfast and fuck around like any other day.” She said. “I wouldn’t be too worried if I were you.”
Jesse slid her hand up to the bulge on the side of my left thigh, and closed her fingers around it through my shorts.
“Wait, Jesse.” I said. “J- Just don’t tell Kate, okay?”
Jesse smirked. “Whatever you say.”
She leaned in until I felt the tight curls of her blonde hair tickle my cheek. I felt her lips brush mine, then press in. I reached out and held her by her sides, through the big holes she had cut in the sides of her tee. Jesse unbuttoned my pants, and fumbled with my belt until I helped her pull it off. We moved to face each other, eyes closed, kissing. I had always wondered what her little mouth would feel like on mine. Her lips were soft, and she liked to bite my lower lip. She smelled faintly like cedarwood and ash. Her hips fit my hands as if they were made for them, and once Jesse had pulled off my shorts, I tugged her tee over her head. Undoing her bra revealed two small, perky breasts. Her nipples were hard and just slightly puffy, and I couldn’t help but lean down to kiss both of them. Jesse took in a quick gasp of air each time my mouth pressed her nipple. I pulled her bright yellow shorts down over her converse shoes, and looked at her.
The bob of Jesse’s curly blonde hair stayed in place even as she laid on her bed waiting for me. Her hands were lost in the tight bunches of her hair, but her wrists laid to either side of her head, with several cloth bracelets hanging loosely off of them. She had a slim streamlined little torso, that led down her small hips. She had on form-fitting grey briefs, made for running and biking, that stopped a few inches from the top of her thigh. Her legs were strong and shapely, all the way down to her converse shoes.
“So,” Jesse said, her bright green eyes piercing through her lowered eyelashes, “are you going to take off my shoes?”
I looked down at her old converses. I had only seen her without them once or twice, and it almost felt wrong to take them off.Almost. I undid the knot in her faded laces, loosened them up, and pulled the tongue of the shoe up. I wiggled the shoe off Jesse’s heel, and slid it down off her toe. Only a moment after I did, a thick scent made it to my nose, only a couple feet above one of her exposed black athletic socks. I could feel Jesse looking down at me as she flexed her toes back, revealing the bottom of her left sock. At the arch the sock was still black, but the heel, the ball of the foot, and the toes had a slightly white discoloration that made me even harder than I already was.
I threw her shoe to the floor, hearing a quick yowl of protest from Ramses, who had been in the wrong place at the wrong time. I undid the laces of her right shoe, and slipped it off too. I looked up at Jesse, and saw that her chin was nearly touching her chest, peering down at me as I took in her scent. “Well, will you pledge loyalty to your commander?” Said Jesse, releasing a new wave of scent as she flexed her toes for much needed ventilation.
“Yes, Colonel Jesse” I said, the title almost catching in my throat.
“Mhmm. Good.” Jesse said, a new tormenting grin creeping across her face. I could tell it was all in good fun, but damn was she convincing! I wondered how much she must be enjoying this. “Take my socked feet into your hands, private.”
“Yes, Colonel” I said. I took the heel of each foot into my hands, so their weight pressed into my palms. She flexed her toes up, as if for easy insertion into my mouth. If that weren’t enough, she put her left foot over her right, so her ten toes were perfectly aligned in two rows of five, each shrouded in her black socks. I looked up at her with a sense of vertigo growing in my stomach. Did she really bursa escort bayan want me to putboth in my mouth?
Jesse looked down, her face framed between the two little mounds of breast on either side of her chest, and frowned. “If the private can’t handle his workload, he may be dishonorably discharged. And we don’t want to find out what that means, do we?” Jesse said.
“No, Colonel Jesse.” I said, a deep, nervous excitement building inside of me. I looked down to Jesse’s socked feet, still lined up optimally for being crammed into my face. With no choice but to follow orders, I raised my eyes to look directly into Jesse’s as I lowered my face and opened my mouth wide. Staring into the green flash of her eyes, I felt my gaping mouth take in the tops of her socked toes. Knowing it would be a bad idea to stop now, and seeing the threatening look on Jesse’s face, I lowered my mouth over her sweaty, used socks until the tips of her toes rested on the back of my tongue. The taste of her socks seeped slowly onto my tongue. The first note that rose in the slowly developing flavor was of a hazy musk, then, as Jesse’s eye narrowed sadistically and she wiggled her toes, new elements came into focus. First, the strong, slightly sweet funk that moved slow as a bass note; then, a tinny tang that reminded me of tree sap; finally, the simple, humiliating taste of her sweat. I knew the smell of her sweat from all the times we had hiked and biked together, and this final touch was the only thing that reminded me that Jesse was still the person I had eaten breakfast with this morning, the same one who I had spent the last few years beside. The person I stared submissively up at now seemed so different from her normal self, that I wondered if she was still in there.
“How does it taste, private?” Jesse asked demeaningly.
“Mmm.” I tried to express my gratitude without taking her socked feet out of my mouth.
“I don’t think you appreciate the pecking order quite yet, private.” Jesse said, looking genuinely disappointed. The next thing I knew, she sat up, motioned for me to pull my legs around so my legs ran parallel with Jesse’s body, and my straining dick was within arms reach: and all this without letting her feet come out of my mouth once. In fact, as soon as I was laying on my side, and she had turned on her side, she shoved her lightly sweat-crusted socks further into my mouth. I felt myself gag once, then I desperately fought to control my gag reflex as she continued trying to fit more into my mouth. The funk of her feet came to me in waves, as her delicious sweat coated every inch of my mouth. I felt her try to flex her toes, but they were almost at my throat now, so there wasn’t much room to move them. The balls of her feet stretched my mouth to a wide, slightly painful disc.
Jesse stuck one hand under the elastic of her tight grey athletic briefs, and another gripped my painfully erect dick. Wasting no time, she began to jack me off, her eyes getting a bit watery and unfocused as she rubbed herself. I began sliding my tongue across the balls of her socked feet, damp from my excessive salivation that had been triggered by her sexy funk. She was jerking me at high speed, and I saw her rubbing frantically under her briefs. I wondered how long it had been since she had had an orgasm. I moaned into her socks as she breathed in measured, rising breaths, never breaking eye contact with me. The way her open mouth began to twitch upward, and her curls began to shake, made me realize she was about to cum. I felt her pump me off even faster, and I tried to reach my tongue back to taste Jesse’s toes as I felt myself begin cumming over her hand.
Jesse wasn’t far behind me apparently. But as she reached climax, her black cat jumped gracefully onto the bed, and stared at the wall, waiting for her owner to give her attention. Jesse paid no attention to the cat, opened her small mouth wide, and shouted “Oh. Oh!” as she shook with pleasure. Her hand, now covered in my jizz, tightened on my dick, and her eyes widened desperately as she stared into mine, as if I could help her handle the wave that was coming onto her. As she shook, I continued running my tongue over her socked toes, which twitched with her convulsions. I had tasted so much of her sweaty socks that I had gotten used to the dank flavor flooding my mouth.
Jesse slumped back, dislodging her feet from my mouth, and began petting Ramses with her clean hand. The cat soaked up the attention, purring. After a minute catching her breath, she placed her cat back on the floor. She looked sheepishly at me and said, “So, the cat’s out of the bag, huh?”
The edges of my mouth were still sore from her feet, and the aftertaste had almost made me hard all over again. Still, I managed to respond, “Guess so.”
She looked at me like she always did, with that comfortable grin, and said “So, you down to go for a hike? I just need to change my socks.” She wiggled her damp socks next to my face, and I laughed.
“Absolutely. Let’s get cleaned up and go.”
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